When Presence Becomes the Priority in Marriage
A Wake-Up Call for Marriages in the Age of Distraction
Have you ever looked across the room at your spouse and felt like you're worlds apart—even though you’re only feet away?
It's not that love is gone. It’s that presence has faded. Not just physical presence, but emotional, spiritual, and conversational presence. In today’s high-speed, hyper-connected world, it’s easier than ever to live on autopilot—scrolling, swiping, surviving. But thriving in marriage? That takes something countercultural.
That takes intention.
That’s why we created the Presence Pledge—a simple but powerful challenge to help couples realign their rhythms with God and each other. Because we believe presence, not performance, is the real pulse of a healthy marriage.
The Problem Isn’t Just Technology… It’s What We’re Letting It Replace
Let’s be honest: technology isn’t the enemy. Distraction is.
Phones are not the root issue—they’re the tools the enemy uses to chip away at our attention, one scroll at a time. The greater issue is that we’ve allowed those distractions to steal the sacred spaces in our marriage—those first few moments when we rise and the final moments before we sleep. Sacred spaces where connection is forged, intimacy is deepened, and God’s whisper is loudest.
And we wonder why we feel so distant.
Maybe it’s time to ask a harder question: “What is shaping the rhythm of my day—and the reality of my marriage?”
Rhythms Are Either Toxic or Transforming
Here’s the truth: your marriage is either being shaped by toxic cycles or transformational rhythms. There’s no in-between.
We think connection is built in the grand gestures—anniversary trips, romantic getaways, spontaneous gifts. But no amount of weekend escapes can compensate for what’s being lost in the everyday erosion of presence. The erosion that happens when your spouse gets more of your leftovers than your firsts.
Scripture says Adam and Eve heard the sound of the Lord walking in the garden in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8). That’s more than poetic imagery. That’s the blueprint. We were created for communion with God and with one another. Marriage was designed in the rhythm of presence—in the cool of the day. Not just for crisis moments, not just for mountain highs, but in the daily, ordinary, sacred in-betweens.
The fall didn’t begin with an argument. It began with distraction.
You Can’t Communicate If You Don’t Create Space
People say communication is the key to marriage. We say connection is the key to communication.
You can’t have quality conversation without carving out sacred space.
You can’t learn to fight well, listen deeply, or love intentionally if you’re both running on empty rhythms and digital overload.
We don’t need more information. We need more transformation—and that only happens in the soil of stillness.
That’s what the Presence Pledge is about.
It’s not a legalistic rulebook. It’s a lifestyle reset. An invitation to trade urgency for intentionality. To reclaim sacred hours in the morning and evening. To put the phone down and pick your spouse back up. To break the patterns that are robbing your home of peace, passion, and purpose.
The Pledge (Yes, It's That Simple)
So, what are you actually committing to?
No phone use two hours before bed and two hours after waking.
Devices should stay at least five feet from the bed.
Morning check-ins and evening wind-downs become sacred space.
No guilt if you mess up—just restart with grace.
Most importantly, invite the Presence of God to lead your home.
Sounds simple, right? But don’t let its simplicity fool you. This one shift has the power to reset everything—because when your rhythms change, your reality does too.
Neuroscience Meets Scripture
Even the science agrees. For years, we were told it takes 21 days to form a habit. But updated research tells us it actually takes around 63 days to rewire the brain for sustainable change. Which is why this isn’t a three-day fast or a one-week challenge. It’s an eight-week journey to reshape your family’s future.
Neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf explains that the first 21 days help you identify and replace bad habits. The next 21 days reinforce new ones. And the final 21 days cement them into your subconscious as part of your daily life. Combine that with spiritual disciplines—prayer, meditation, and reflection—and you’ve got a formula not just for behavior change, but heart transformation.
It’s Not About the Phone—It’s About the Fruit
Imagine this...
Instead of scrolling, you’re praying.
Instead of consuming content, you’re having real conversations.
Instead of falling asleep to noise, you’re ending your day with peace.
Instead of feeding anxiety, you’re cultivating joy.
Presence produces fruit. And fruit feeds generations.
Is your marriage producing overflow that nourishes your children, your friendships, and your calling? Or has the soil gone dry?
Maybe your marriage doesn’t need a vacation. It needs a rhythm.
And rhythms begin in the little things—like putting the phone down and picking up a 5-minute conversation before bed. Like guarding the gates of your soul first thing in the morning before anyone else’s voice drowns out God’s whisper.
The Call: Join Us
This is your moment to draw a line in the sand.
The Presence Pledge isn’t about perfection—it’s about pursuit. We’re not asking you to give up technology forever. We ask you to give God and your spouse the sacred space they deserve. And in doing so, you’ll find everything you’ve been scrolling to escape from.
So sign the pledge. Print it. Frame it. Post it by your charger or on your fridge.
Then, look your spouse in the eyes and say, “Let’s do this together.”
Because your marriage doesn’t need more noise, it needs more presence.
Join the movement. Sign the pledge. Let presence lead.
👉 Sign the Presence Pledge at https://marriage.ryancoleempowerment.com/presencepledge
Watch the podcast episode that goes even more in-depth about this topic!