You Can't Change Your Spouse, But You Can Do This...
In marriage, it’s easy to dream together—but how do you actually set goals and stick to them when life gets busy, challenges arise, and you and your spouse may not always see eye to eye?
In this blog, we’re tackling the power of personal commitment and how it affects not only your individual growth but also the strength of your marriage. Many couples struggle with unrealistic expectations, frustration over a lack of support, and the constant battle between personal purpose and marital unity.
So how do you move forward? How do you stay committed to your own goals while also supporting your spouse in theirs?
The fact is that while you may desire to change your spouse, this is just an act of control. Real change happens when an individual commits to God and themselves first, instead of just modifying their behavior temporarily to please someone else.
You Can’t Control Your Spouse—But You CAN Control Yourself
“You can get up every single day with a mindset that your marriage is holding you back. Or you can wake up and say, ‘I’m going to be the best version of myself and fulfill my purpose.’”
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is trying to force their spouse to adopt their habits, routines, or goals. You might think, If only they were more disciplined, more driven, or more supportive, then I could reach my full potential.
But the truth is, you can’t control your spouse’s decisions—you can only control your own.
Instead of waiting for them to change, lead by example. Show them what commitment looks like, and in time, they may feel inspired to join you.
✅ Practical Tip: Instead of nagging or demanding change, model the behavior you want to see. Stay disciplined in your own goals and let your actions speak louder than words.
Biblical Wisdom: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” – Galatians 6:9
How to Support Your Spouse Without Losing Yourself
A healthy marriage isn’t about dragging your spouse into your goals—it’s about finding ways to support each other without resentment.
Here’s how you can be a better support system for your spouse while still staying committed to your personal growth:
✅ Ask your spouse what they need from you. Don’t assume—have an open conversation about their goals, struggles, and how you can help.
✅ Be vocal about your own challenges. Let them know what you’re working toward and where you need encouragement.
✅ Be their biggest cheerleader. Celebrate their progress, even if it’s different from what you’re pursuing.
Biblical Wisdom: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.” – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
✅ Practical Tip: Schedule a weekly check-in to talk about your goals, struggles, and ways to support each other.
Acceptance vs. Approval: Learning to Let Go
There’s a difference between accepting your spouse for who they are and approving of every decision they make.
Acceptance means loving them as they are, while still believing in their potential to grow. Approval means co-signing on every decision, even when it’s unhealthy.
If your spouse isn’t as disciplined or driven as you are, you don’t have to approve of their choices—but you do have to love them through it. Instead of controlling or criticizing, pray for them, encourage them, and allow God to do the work in their heart.
✅ Practical Tip: If your spouse is struggling in an area, don’t nag. Instead, pray for them and ask God to give you wisdom on how to support them without enabling bad habits.
Biblical Wisdom: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” – Ephesians 4:2
Dreaming Together: Where Do You See Yourselves in 5, 10, 20 Years?
One of the best ways to strengthen your marriage is to dream together. Even if you and your spouse have different callings, you can still align your vision for the future.
Here are some questions to ask each other:
What does success look like for our family in 5, 10, or 20 years?
What are some individual goals we have? How can we support each other in them?
How can we create a shared vision that combines our strengths and passions?
✅ Practical Tip: Use a marriage journal to write down your vision together and track your progress. (Check out our guided journal for couples!)
Biblical Wisdom: “Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it.” – Habakkuk 2:2
The Enemy Attacks Your Potential, Not Just Your Present
Marriage isn’t just about where you are now—it’s about where God is taking you.
The enemy doesn’t just attack because of where you are today—he attacks you because he knows your potential. The closer you get to your breakthrough, the more resistance you’ll feel.
That’s why commitment matters. If you quit every time things get hard, you’ll never reach the full potential of what God has for your marriage and your personal purpose.
✅ Practical Tip: When you feel discouraged or under attack, remember that it’s a sign that something great is on the horizon. Push through the resistance.
Biblical Wisdom: “No weapon formed against you shall prosper.” – Isaiah 54:17
Final Thoughts: Stay the Course & Stay Committed
Marriage is a journey. Personal growth is a journey. The key to success in both is staying committed—no matter what.
Instead of waiting for circumstances to be perfect or for your spouse to change, take ownership of your own commitment and trust that God is working behind the scenes.
✅ Reflect & Apply:
What personal goal have you been struggling to stay committed to?
How can you better support your spouse’s goals?
Have you and your spouse created a vision for your future together?
🎧 Listen to the full episode here: